He stared at me. I was beginning to think father time hated me the way everything seemed to stop. Preserving what seemed to be the most awkward moment of my life. He wore no expression. Once he told me I was the thief who stole his emotions, said that they only belonged to me. That use to make me smile but now it only seemed to make me sad. He wasn't moving wasn't backing down so with no other options I spoke. "H-hey" I said with a slight smile in my eyes. A peace offering. He didn't move I can't even remember him blinking the whole time. I wanted to leave, I wanted to walk away. I couldn't my guilt held me hostage or was it my love? I stood. I pondered thought maybe if I was quiet long enough I would dissappear and I would never have to face him again. It didn't work. I wasn't ready not like this I never thought I would see him again. Can't say I really wanted to. The tension was overwhelming "how are you?" I blurted more out of habit than concern. "How am I supposed to be? I mean what do you want me to tell you. I wake up one day and your just gone nobody seen you, nobody knows where you at. Im sorry I told you a million times. I don't know what I have to do to convince you. " he waited for my reaction. I was void empty. I wasn't validating him by showing emotion. This pissed him off. Now his eyebrow was slightly raised like it always was when he was angry. Anger was all too common with him. If I did steal his emotions that's one I would take from him forever. "Im sorry...I really don't know what to say to you." Why the fuck does father time hate me I thought.
He stared eyebrow still raised in the name of anger. I still got the best of him. I liked that.
He is 7 years older than I. He is married. He is my love.
I stood there for a couple seconds. Wondering how my life ever came to this. I wasn't the girl who was too fast. I never really even had a real boyfriend. Who would have thought I would end up 17 and pregnant. "Funny how life fucks you over." I said with a laugh. It was a dry laugh. A laugh that held no real humor. He looked sad liked he wanted to touch me. Wanted to make me laugh genuinely again. I hated him in that moment. Hated him for making me feel this way. Still I'll love him forever. Love him but I was angry. It was hurt that turned into anger. It was a passive anger not a scream and kick and cry anger. My anger was much worse. I didn't answer his calls, didn't respond when he spoke didn't even look at him. Straight cut out. This was the worse kind of anger. The kind of anger that makes you drop a motherfucka from your life. That's exactly what I planned to do. I loved him but not enough. I don't know if there was enough love in the world to fix us. Reese began walking over smoothie in hand. Oh shit Oh shit. I had forgotten I was even here with someone Bryce took me so off guard. Reese looke so happy he smiled as he walked not even noticing Bryce. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Reese came up and grabbed my hand. He lightly traced my veins. He was captivated with me oblivious of anything else. Now both of Bryce's eyebrows were raised. He never expected the right hook. I didn't expect it either. I don't think Bryce expected to hit him. It just happened. It always just happens with him.
There I was a 17 years old pregnant in a Jamba Juice parking lot. In between my heart and my head. Watching my teacher fight it out with my boyfriend.
& thats all you get for free haha.
P.S Big Update on my life coming soon
1 comment:
This is great. I hope you've continued to work on it.
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