Insomnia

This is brannd spanking new like i just wrote it.
PLEASE read it its relevant to my next post.
I dont know if i want to name it Insomnia Fan Blades or something else yet.
Right Now it stands as Insomnia
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The blades on the fan make a circular motion as they slowly turn.
Illuminated by backlight.
I lay still baptized in black light.
I scroll and I scroll until my thumb begins to feel raw
Trying to think of who I can call
Text..aim.
At 3:47 in the morning its all the same
I can't remember the last time somebody called my name.
Really called it.
Not just said.."Ma-lon Murphy, uh umm Ma-lon."

The fans blades have come to a complete halt.
Somehow this makes me sad.
And I lay there in a tint of blue
Created by my phone.
Backlight illuminates the backdrop,its clear to me what's wrong
So desperate ill try anyone.
No answers, they probably pushed ignore.

I glance at the sea of clothes scattered on the floor
Somehow this makes me mad.
My rage is sudden and white and hot
and I pray the fan blades would blast full force and rip and never stop.
I rip away the covers and tear at my clothes.
And I really just want to break this fucking phone

But I keep scrolling as if im gonna find something new.
All the routine lol's in my texts somehow upset me
I don't understand how people who write ily so much could possibly forget me.

I hate being alone with my thoughts
When the house is still and my thoughts cry bloody murder.
When she emerges
The way that I am.
And I fight her with violence,
Can't fight her with silence cause believe me I've tried.
Sleep is too silent so I must stay ALIVE
She thrives in that silence
Takes pride in breaking me down.

So I turn on the fan.Just to hear the wisps and rattles of the blades.
I scroll through my phone though I know ain't shit changed.

& when I see light shining through that didn't come from my phone.
That awkward time when the sun decides to finally break dawn
There is no gratitude.
For the insomniac knows tomorrow's are just reminders.
Reminders and anticipation of fan blades