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so now for the deep post.
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I feel like im transitioning into another level as a person.
Im a people pleaser,always have been.
It bothers me extremely when people are mad at me don't like me etc.
I never ever had problems with people not liking me until i got to Hamilton.
I got a lot of attention and it was a weird and huge transition from the way i was used to being treated.
A little went to my head I aint gon front, and i acquired a few enemies( maybe more than a few).
Though none of these enemies were a direct product of my personality cause i am and always have been a too nice passive aggressive people pleaser. I can see how they got a bad impression of me.
However a lot of them were just because.
Someone told them not to like me i didn't wave at them i wasn't fake and gave them an exagerated hug and asked the insincere question "How have you been?"

No Matter the reason i had people that didn't and still don't like me.

I took this hard. I introverted.
I became quiet and reserved played the back and somehow this made people like me even less.
They said I was cocky thought I was too good for them etc.

With no other options i kept living.

Now I'm in a better place
Ive realized that cliche ass cliche that not everybody is gonna like you.
I was doing all the right shit because i know how to do all the right shit and get a good reaction.
I know what to wear to make people notice me. I know what to say to certain people to make them like me.
I know what you him and her like and i would be that because I am a people pleaser.

& before I enter school for my last year I can say i feel free.
Free of manufactured intrigue just to please somebody else.
Free from image
Free from all the limitations put on me by black people and their fucked up psyches( no offense but black people have been ROYALLY mind fucked)
Free from all that shit.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ALL THAT, AND THAT FEELS GOOD

I got caught up.
I ain't never been an out there person
I always kept a low profile and I let that get away from me when the attention got to me.

Now I'm back to me
& i know who that is( not on some corny shit)

& all the drama and the loss of friends frenemies and the random people that didn't and don't like me
I accept that shit.
and im cool with the fact that I cant change it and even if i could it doesn't really matter anymore.

Im Ok.

I hope all is well with you and yours.